3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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