She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
