the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
