yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize