pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
