Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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