just come out here and I will go home with you...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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