Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
