I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
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