I accidentally had phone sex last night
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Walk of Shame today included voting.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
