after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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