Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
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I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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