she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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