She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
