Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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