I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
