I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
