My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
