Do you still have your period?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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