Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
