i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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