do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
