i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
