508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
