Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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