you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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