they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
