my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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