Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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