ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
