if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
