i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
