he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
