If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
