Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
