You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
