Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
