I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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