Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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