thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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