I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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