Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
