sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
