She's like a pop up book from hell.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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