you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
