she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
