Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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