I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
