I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
