I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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