I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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