kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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