Whod you bang
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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