Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
