i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
