I think scott just propositioned me for sex
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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