i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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