My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
