I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
