oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
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This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize