I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This house was built for laser tag.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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