i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
