I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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