Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
