bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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