Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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