I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
