Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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