My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
