when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
