Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
