A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
