id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
