i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
